THE BOARD OF GUARDIANS AND THE LOCAL PRESS
Attention wanes, come listen weel,
Again oor boys are at it;
Let fermers clear ilk weedy fiel’,
Than sa’ their lint an’ saut it;
For great John H has taen the stump,
An’ Jemmy’s gaun tae follow,
So Press suppression, neck an’ rump,
We’ll scrieve aff like a swallow,
On wings this day.
We know tae please the toilin’ race
Oor great men claw an’ rummel;
Betimes, in some conspicuous case,
They stan’ baith rouch an’ tummel.
Then wherefore should our local Press
Refuse tae patch an’ prent it;
Thus help ambition in distress
By makin’ road tae vent it,
By nicht or day.
‘Tis hard eneuch whun wurth wad speak
It may na get a hearin’,
That so adherents soch an’ sleek
For yinst may quat their sneerin’;
“I’m no’ the man I was,” they say
In wather dry or drackey,
Because, they think I want them pay
That slush, through Cullybackey,
May rin some day.
Oor speeches for the time tae come
Maun be reported fair
Withoot restrict or rule o’ thumb,
Or paternizing air
That so adherents a’ may read,
An’ understan’ oor glamour;
‘Tis bread an’ butter that they need
Before they ax for grammar
On ony day.
We own in case o’ big debate
Oor thouchts may tak’ a spang;
Whun language flows frae heated pate
Syntax may weel go wrang.
But then, tae see ilk roonded phraise,
That Gladstone ne’er cud better,
Cut doon tae please Reporters’ ways,
Is sure anither metter
Clean trade this day.
Sure time will turn the black hair white
On either lad or lass,
But seldom see we wrang turned right
If quately on we pass;
The tentless, trailin’ on ahint,
Are scarcely worth disdainin’;
So John maun see his words in print,
An’ Jenny get explainin’
On ilka day.
Cullybackey Auld Nummer, 14th May 1894