MY MAIDEN SPEECH

Attention ex-officio’s a’,
Chairman douce within the la’,
Elected Guardians in a raw,
Both strong an’ weak,
Least some may ower crueily craw;
I’m gaun tae speak.

I wus elected by a source,
A big majority of course,
Wha dae expect my lungs tae force,
Or crack the slates,
An’ yell until my throat is hoarse
Bout wee’r rates.

I micht hain wroucht at keepin’ quate,
An’ drew wee picturs on my slate,
But some electors think me great
At clautin’ cogs,
Sae I maun rival Audrew’s pate
Tae please the rogues.

Dreen Wully needna luck sae glum,
An’ smirk, an’ smile, an’ twist his thumb,
He needna think that I am come
Tae tak oucht frae him,
But only laurels he has won
I’ll share them wi’ him.

Even great John Houston needna fear,
I dinna mean to speak o’ beer,
But jest tae strive an’ steer him clear
Withoot a cough,
Bayount the money peaks that rear
Their heeds at Clough.

Clough folks hae lang been slack o’ grace,
A stubborn God-forsaken race,
Wha keep their doctors in that place
O’ sin an’ thrall,
Tae which we a’ oor woes may trace
Its Mason Hall.

If they wad only hand it tae us,
An’ tak dispensary trouble frae us,
Nae need o’ motions tae delay us
Or make afraid;
We’d very shortly gaur it pay us,
Withoot Hiram’s aid.

The oot-door system o’ the past,
Is jest a thing we a’ should blast,
Except in case whaur some is cast
Tae mal-contents,
Wha wunna hae the sense at last,
Tae pay their rents.

Sae noo, in windin’ up my speech,
Altho’ I wunna plead or preach,
Yet oor officials I wad fleech
Tae stan’ in awe,
For if they come within my reach,
I’ll mak’ them sma’.

Cullybackey Auld Nummer
26th November 1889